It’s 2018 and I am completely amazed.
We 2018 women seem to have it all: a good job, nice hair, an expensive gym membership and fashionable laptop-handbags.
Granted, we might have bought our clothes based on ‘what doesn’t need to get ironed’.
We consistently stuff too much in our bag, so that we end up walking lop-sided to work.
Our hair might not have been washed for days – but shhht don’t tell anyone that.
Everyone seems perfect on the outside… but I have an inside line to all of these women.
Clients, followers, friends and acquaintances confide in me.
Women know they can talk to me (and guys too, but you know, ambitious women are my tribe).
They want to perform at the top of their game.
They feel guilty when they spend time on work when they should be playing with their kid.
They feel bad when they should have gotten more done that day.
“I need to have my shit together”
“I need to do everything perfectly, because everyone else seems to be doing it perfectly, too.”
“I’m doing great at work, and people respect me as a leader, but when I see my friends they seem so perfectly happy in their relationships, whereas I don’t even have energy for sex anymore!”
“I mean, that’s normal right? Every relationship goes through a slump? It can’t be the same as in the beginning, surely. I’m just tired.”
“I’m trying to be less hard on myself, but I don’t know how to. What needs to get done, needs to get done.”
In a society of never ending pressure to be perfect, we feel overwhelmed.
By social media.
By our parents.
By our peers.
By our phones.
By what we think life is supposed to look like, while never taking a moment to relax and be chill.
Yes, I’m talking to you: you high-powered, ambitous, kind, smart, powerhouse of a woman.
I love you.
I love coaching you.
I am exactly like you.
But we have an epidemic going on.
We can’t stop the hustle to find time for self-care.
We stuff everything in our calendars until there is no open slot left.
We are either too focused on work or on taking care of others, that there is no energy left to take care of ourselves.
You can’t go on like this.
And I mean it.
I’ve been here, at this point, standing in front of a wall and thinking “damn, if I take one step more, I’ll hit this wall face first“.
I used to think relaxing was overrated and hustling was something to be proud of. Going to the gym was something I did for me, but even that started to feel as a burden. Granted there were situations leading to this (I won’t explain exactly what lead me there, but there were reasons. Aside from what might have happened in my life, there’s tons of reasons for arriving at a place like this, no matter how weird it may seem to the outside world).
My entire head was filled with ‘shoulds’, and no ‘wants’.
I should be going to the gym.
I should lose weight.
I should be making more money.
I should be getting more done.
I should be further ahead.
What I wanted, I didn’t know anymore.
But I was exhausted.
I know there are many articles on websites where they only talk about the shiny stuff and how they made a ‘turnaround in their life’, but they don’t talk about how they did it.
I’ve vowed to always be transparant with you, so I’ll do that now as well: I was so exhausted I hired someone to help me get better at self-care. I worked too late, shoved work on myself, didn’t know how to set boundaries and was utterly empty.
So I asked my new coach “Hi, I need someone to teach me how to self-care”
And she did. And I learned that what I was doing, was messed up.
Not sleeping enough is not a medal of honor.
It’s straight up stupid and limits your brain capacity and energy levels the next day.
Sleep was my linchpin, and it’s the same for many of my clients.
You go to bed after you have fought going to bed for 2 hours.
That last Netflix episode turned into another 3.
Then you’ve FINALLY made it to bed and you continue scrolling on instagram, trying to find some diversion from starting your next chaos-filled day.
Is it FOMO of free time? Are you afraid you’ll miss out on enjoyment because you’ll have to power through again the next day? Is that why you can’t go to sleep?
Is it being addicted to only going to bed after you’re completely dead?
If you’re waking up in the morning, angry at your alarm clock, annoyed that it’s already time to get up… it means you didn’t get enough sleep. As simple as that.
You are smart, ambitious and utterly exhausted.
You need more sleep.
You need more time to relax.
I give you permission to stop ‘shoulding’ and start ‘relaxing’.
Carve out time in your evening or day to truly relax and not ‘have to’.
Instead of spending time on dating apps hoping to swipe right on some dude, start swiping right on yourself.
You need 8-9 hours of sleep.
You need to turn off your phone.
You need to shrug off society’s expectations.
You are enough, you are doing enough, and it’s time for you to give back to yourself.
I have a lump in my throat almost crying as I re-read what I wrote here, because this is why I do what I do. It pains me to see you struggling with yourself without seeing an out. I am so happy with my life now and extremely grateful I can help women all over the world do just this: get better at self-care while performing in an ever-demanding world.
I just want to tell you that you are not alone, because every client that starts working with me thinks she is weird for not being able to do absolutely everything.
Hence, she is mad at herself.
Just like I used to be.
After having helped so many women with this same topic (and it takes work, I can tell you), I just wanted to leave this here to reach more of you.
You’re okay, honestly.
But please, for the love of god, start prioritizing yourself.
You can create a life that doesn’t feel so demanding and overwhelming.
Just like I did, and just like so many of my clients have done.
And if you don’t know how to? Feel free to reach out to me.