After my first physical business became a success in 2016, I started making videos to build my online business as well.
When I started dong that in January of 2017, I started attracting a lot of people, fast.
I had a ‘first mover' advantage: almost no one was making videos, and I was, so however bad they were, they were getting views!
But while I was attracting a lot of positive attention… I also got a lot of criticism in from my direct environment.
People I used to go to school with started messaging me to tell me they liked my videos, but… I also got a lot of ‘advice' on what was annoying about the videos. I took that to mean: “you're annoying”.
And some of my ‘friends' started talking behind my back.
And then over the years not only did the brand grow, but also the bank account.💲
And around the time I made my first million at 27, something happened and shifted.
Because of my success, and my being open about it… I got a lot of criticism.
Some people were triggered by the money.
Other people were triggered by the house.
Even more started talking behind my back.
Then I went through a heart-wrenching break-up, and I got shit for continuing to show up even though my whole personal life had fallen apart.
It seemed like no matter what I did, I wasn't doing the right things and I just felt so incredibly unsupported and alone.
In hindsight, I think I got a taste of what we mean in Belgium by ‘high trees catch a lot of wind'. I think in Australia they call this ‘tall poppy syndrome(?)'.
It was never about me, but about those people, but back then it did feel personal to me.
What happened:
- I was working so so hard, supporting clients and a growing team and dealing with all of that fast growth during a global pandemic
- A lot of people were watching and judging me as I was growing through that
And because I was working so hard, and all of this was new to me… my heart was wide open… and it broke my heart to get so much criticism (very difficult for a type-A high achiever).
Those blips of criticism and sometimes well-meant ‘advice' (and oftentimes not so well-meant and straight up rude) made me shrink myself…
I had bean bullied in high school, and slowly this feeling of ‘I'm too much' started seeping back into my content and triggered old trauma.
- I got afraid of showing up.
- I started diluting my message.
- I started disclaiming everything I was saying.
- I made myself smaller.
- And it nearly killed my voice.
I just wasn't ‘me' anymore to be honest.
It felt terrible, and it took me a while to notice it.
Do you know when I noticed this was happening?
When I saw my content views drop… and drop… and drop.
I didn't want to watch or listen to my own content anymore. I didn't enjoy seeing what I put out there, and I was frustrated 24/7 about the lack of results.
The past year I have worked really really hard on getting rid of those ‘limiting and mean' voices again, and stepping back into my power and my own voice.
This past week in LA really helped show me how much more bigness I could embrace, but I had already been making a lot of good progress on this in 2023.
Today I want to share with you how I've found my authentic voice back, created a new podcast that hit the top charts in only 2 weeks, and stopped making myself smaller.
I'm finally not (so) afraid to show up anymore.
I'm sharing openly because maybe it can help you step into your power, too.
My quote of the week for you, that I heard Radhi Devlukia-Shetty say at the retreat I attended:
“If I'm choosing to be seen, I can't choose how people see me.”
I hope you choose to be seen today, and maybe this 14 minute episode can give you some confidence to do just that.
Whatever you're afraid of, I just want to say:
You have such a bright light. And you deserve to be seen.
Warmly,
Amy
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