You've been told a thousand times: be authentic. Show up as a real person. Let your audience see the messy, imperfect truth behind your business.
But then you share something vulnerable, and immediately the spiral starts. Did I overshare? Did I just lose credibility? Will people still want to buy from me, or do they now see me as their friend who they'd never actually hire?
This is the authenticity trap, and it's costing you clients. Authenticity without leadership doesn't build authority. It builds an audience that loves watching your reality show but doesn't trust you enough to invest.
In this Fail to Win podcast episode, I'm breaking down exactly where the line is between relatable and professional, and giving you a framework so you never have to second-guess a post again.
Listen to the full episode for the complete story.
The real goal isn't relatability, it's trust
Your goal as a business owner is not to be relatable. Your goal is to be trusted.
Relatability means your audience thinks, “Same, she's just like me.” Trust means they think, “She gets me, and she's one step ahead.”
That's the difference between someone who enjoys your content and someone who actually buys from you.
Right now, I see 2 extremes happening online. On one side, you have people who are so polished and perfect that it feels fake. You don't trust them because everything is too curated, too filtered, too “I have all my shit together.” On the other side, you have people who are so relatable that you like them, but you'd never hire them. They're bleeding all over their content, and it feels like you're their therapist, not their client.
Neither of these builds the kind of trust that leads to sales. What does work is this: showing you're human while also showing you have standards. That you make decisions. That you set boundaries. That you learn lessons and take leadership over your own life and business.
When someone is looking for a business coach, a VA, a service provider, or anyone selling transformation, they're not looking for someone who's a mess. They're looking for someone who's been through the mess and came out the other side with a system, a framework, a way forward. That's authority. And you can have it while still being deeply, authentically you.
The 3 levels of sharing: Bleeding, Bandaged, and Scarred
This is the framework that changed everything for me, and I want you to start using it today.
Level 1 is Bleeding
This is when the wound is still open. You're in the middle of it. You're emotional, unclear, venting, spiraling. There's no lesson yet because you haven't processed it. This is sharing in real time while you're still hurt, confused, or overwhelmed. When you share while you're bleeding, it sounds like you're asking your audience to regulate you. To agree with you. To tell you you're okay. That's not content. That's a cry for support.
I've done this before. Years ago, when I didn't feel supported by my inner circle, I started using social media as my outlet. I'd share things before I'd even talked to my friends or family about them. Before I had my own opinion formed. Looking back, I can see that wasn't strategic content. That was me looking for connection in the wrong place.
Level 2 is Bandaged
This is the sweet spot. The wound is still there, but you've started to process it. You've gained some clarity. You've made a decision or set a standard. You can share what happened, what it meant, and what you're doing about it without dumping the raw emotion on your audience.
This is authenticity that actually builds authority. You're being real about the struggle, but you're also showing leadership in how you're handling it.
A few months ago, my business went through a massive growth phase. My workload exploded. I was overwhelmed, working weekends, and my to-do list felt endless. If I had shared in the moment while I was bleeding, it would have sounded like, “I can't handle this, I'm drowning, help.” Instead, I waited until I'd bandaged it. I restructured my workflows. I implemented new SOPs with my team. I set boundaries around weekend work. Then I shared the story with the lesson attached: this is what happened, this is how I fixed it, this is what you can learn from this. That's the kind of content that makes people think, “She gets it, and she knows how to solve it.”
Level 3 is Scarred
This is when the wound is fully healed. You're only sharing the conclusion, the framework, the polished takeaway. This builds credibility, but if it's all you ever do, it can feel distant. It can feel like you're untouchable, and that creates a different kind of distrust.
I actually love being in the bandaged zone right now. I love sharing what's happening in real time, but with the lens of “this is how I'm leading through this.” It keeps me human without making me look like I don't have my shit together.
The authority-safe authenticity formula
This is the formula I use every time I share something personal. I want you to start using it too.
Whenever you share something vulnerable, include 1 or 2 of the following: a decision (what did you choose, what did you stop tolerating), a standard (what's now non-negotiable for you), a lesson (what can others learn from this), proof (why are you qualified to say this), or a boundary (what are you not going to do or share).
This is what turns “poor me, look what I'm going through” into “I'm a leader, and this is how I handle hard things.”
Instead of saying, “I'm so overwhelmed, I can't even get my workouts in,” you say, “This is what I do when I'm overwhelmed: I don't rely on motivation. I plan my workouts in advance because my new standard is that I don't operate in a stress-driven nervous system, and my body deserves movement.” Same truth. Completely different energy. One says, “Come rescue me.” The other says, “I'm leading myself, and you can too.”
Your homework: share something real today
Take 1 truth you've been sitting on. Something real, something vulnerable. Add 1 element from the formula: a decision, a standard, a lesson, proof, or a boundary. Then post it. Today.
Authenticity isn't just vulnerability. Authenticity is your truth with leadership in it.
If you want to make showing up online easier, my team and I built a B-Roll GPT that creates a custom 10-clip shot list you can film in 15 minutes with just your phone. No tripod. No fancy gear. Just you and content for weeks.
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