Have you wondered what the best way is to build your confidence? I can bet you've received a lot of useless advice regarding your confidence, such as: “Just be more confident.” You give a presentation in high school and people tell you, “you should just be a little bit more confident”. Or you’re nervous before a job interview, and everyone tells you to “just walk in and be confident”. Gee, thanks, mom. That magically helped me build confidence…
Build your confidence in no time with this advice
People telling you to be more confident obviously does not work. The good news? There are things you can do to build your confidence! And it's your lucky day because I'm sharing some of the things that helped me build my confidence. So, let's get down to business right away:
1. Take full ownership
The first tip on how to build your confidence is simple: take full ownership. Because here's the truth: you are the ONLY owner of your life, and your happiness. It’s up to you, and you alone, to make yourself happy. It’s so easy to think, “Oh, my partner/friends/family should be making me happy”, and of course that’s the ideal scenario, but when it comes down to it, it’s on you.
So the magic to building your confidence truly comes from within. The trick is realize that you have the power to change the things you're unhappy about. The only person that can turn things around is you. Even though it might, sometimes, not feel that way.
2. Learn how to say no
If you’re a people pleaser, ‘saying no' probably doesn’t come naturally to you. We want to make the people around us happy, even if it means sacrificing something ourselves. So, people pleasing is not the way to go if you want to build your confidence. Why? Because you're only thinking about other people when you should be thinking about yourself.
Hairdressers are life coaches too, right? Mine is anyway… A few years ago, he told me that learning to say no is the most important lesson I'd ever learn. Back then, I honestly thought he was full of shit. Guess what? He wasn't. Because when you say yes to something, you are saying no to everything else, including yourself. Which brings us perfectly onto the next point.
3. Get clear on your wants and needs
The previous point is hard but essential to building your confidence. To make it a bit easier, I have a tip to help you get there and that is to be clear on your wants and needs. Find out what your heart truly wants. My coach Sarah often says, “Does this make your heart leap?” and I used to think it was a weird sentence, but actually, it really resonates with me right now.
If someone asks me to do something, I no longer think “okay, I'll do something and maybe I don't really want to but I don't know what the alternative is.” Instead, I'll ask myself the question, “Does this make my heart leap? Do I want to do this?”.
In order to build your confidence, you have to take those first (slightly uncomfortable) steps. Don't be afraid to put yourself first. Start by asking yourself “Is there a reason not to do this?”, I ask myself if there is a reason to do it. It changes your narrative in a positive way.
You deserve to be treated well by your environment. Building your confidence is all about believing that you deserve this. But no one will treat you that way unless you know how to communicate what you want and need.
4. Forgive yourself
Being perfect is not only overrated – it’s completely unattainable. And even more, it won't help you build your confidence in any way. No matter what you see on social media or people’s highlight reels, everyone makes mistakes, has bad days, and has sides to themselves that they’d rather not show the world. In other words, they’re NORMAL.
Whether you’re feeling down because of dating drama, an unproductive work week, or you’re struggling with something like overeating, the answer is forgiving yourself. Please try and remember you are only human. Don’t try and make up for it by working extra hours or going on a crash diet. A new day is a new start, so just reset yourself to neutral and do your best.
5. You can’t pour from an empty cup
It’s a saying you’ve probably heard before, and for a good reason: it’s one of the most important lessons in life. Always put yourself first and prioritize your self care. When you run your own business, it’s tempting to try and do everything all at once. But if you don’t schedule time to rest and restore your mind and body, you won’t be able to help anyone.
Moral of the story? You definitely can’t build confidence overnight, but you CAN start taking steps to get yourself there. Put the work in, and over time you’ll learn and grow to become the best, most confident version of you.
PS Are you wanting to create some more on-screen content but are you feeling uncertain about appearing on camera? In this course, I share with you my tips and tricks on appearing confident on camera. Get this Dutch course about confidence now!
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